Google is truly amazing. Really. Yes, really really. Not only does it have a great search engine, email, maps, groups, Picasa web albums, docs, blogger, Google Earth (so cool!), calendar, and countless (almost) other web based nifty stuff, it also tracks my menstrual cycle. Now that’s truly amazing. I can’t keep track of my annoyingly random menstrual cycle, but Google can. Almost every month for the last six or so, on the very last day of my erratic period, I have had the following banner on my Gmail home page:
“Menstruation Calendar: www.MyMonthlyCycles.com - Completely track your menstrual cycles for free!”
Yes. It’s free too. Bonus. How do they know? Do they follow me with their Google Earth satellite surveillance in my mad rush to the pharmacy to replenish my stock of feminine hygiene products with a wad of toilet paper bunched in my underpants? If they already know, why don’t they insert a note in my Google Calendar: “Warning! Go to pharmacy today before 4pm – Your Google Team.” They’re usually so helpful.
There’s really only one possible explanation. Yep, conspiracy theorists out there will agree: Google is actually a group of Aliens intent on harvesting my eggs (and yours sisters) because they are no longer able to reproduce. Lucky for the guys out there that the fact that men also have a hormonal cycle is not yet well know to the Aliens, otherwise you boys would be getting some well timed banners on your Gmail home pages too. On the other hand, it’s a 24 hour cycle, so maybe that would be a bit obvious. Maybe they’ve got lots of sperm, who knows?
Keep your colanders on.
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